Not saying this because I have a lot of people buying stuff for me, but on the off-chance that someone’s reading and would like to get me something in the near future…

Don’t give me books—get me bookstore vouchers.

Don’t give me fruits— get me supermarket vouchers.

Don’t give me clothes— get me store vouchers.

You can also:

…ask me what are the essential oils I’m missing from my collection (note, however, that I currently only use oils from Salo, for safety and health reasons)

…ask me what grain/seed I’ve yet to try or need to replenish in my kitchen. I’m currently slightly obsessed with the notion of getting very well-acquainted with the likes of amaranth, buckwheat, chia seeds, farrow, flaxseed, kamut, millet, quinoa, sorghum, spelt, teff, triticale, wheat, wild rice…

Yeah. I’m a pretty practical person, I think.

SDA, you disappoint me!

PAP, don't be so cocksure! We'll be ready to get back as soon as there's an opening!

...*RAGE*

You know, a little competition is normal, especially when same-sex siblings are still rather young and foolish and immature. A little competition can even be a good thing, especially if it's competition in areas like cleanliness, fitness, academics, etc.

But I never was competing with you. I was competing against my peers. Because, you know, there are five freaking years between us and it didn't make sense to me to fight with you over anything?

It was bad enough that the adults used to say that I was ugly/plain/weird and that you were the cute/pretty/beautiful/adorable one, back when our ages were still in single digits. It was bad enough that they continued to say when we were teenagers that although I was probably smarter, you were the beautiful/talented/lovable one.

It was bad enough that the favouritism was so obvious, our mother listened to you rather than me regarding plans for my wedding.

It was bad enough that after I finally got married and moved out, suddenly the parents decided to spend money and time having actual fun with you. Complete with photo and video evidence that was proudly displayed everywhere, even online-- when they were never interested in going anywhere or doing anything interesting while I was around. Oh, yes, my wanting to buy something that cost $2 totally deserved a public telling off in which I was accused of "always wasting money".

But all that could have been borne with good grace. It could have.

But you know what pisses me off right now?

That right now, at the ages of 23 and 28, you are announcing all over Facebook and Twitter and Multiply and Blogspot that because of XXX proof and YYY evidence, you are "evidently the favourite daughter by far".

You know what?

FUCK YOU.

You know, the Prayer Of Jabez isn't one that guarantees your life's emulating his. Neither does it make you "more honourable than your brethren". I am so tired of reading tweets, FB posts, blog posts and chain-emails which claim in a myriad ways that if Christians would only be brave enough to believe God and pray that prayer, they would find (that same) favour with God and man, and be counted as honourable.

I've read these 2 verses (1 Chronicles 4:9-10) in more than 7 different translations and in none of them, I repeat, none of them, was Jabez's being "more honourable than his brethren" said to have been a result of his prayer.

The Bible states that Jabez was more honourable than his brothers.
It gives the reason for his name.
It relates an incident where Jabez cried out to God for grace and blessing, and it records that God decided to give him what he wanted.

That's it.

In fact, you could argue that in the telling of this short tale, one might understand that Jabez strove harder to live more honourably than his brothers because his birth brought pain to his mother and she probably treated him just as she named him. I doubt he had a much better growing-up compared to his siblings. And that's why he called on the Lord--and God, being the way that He is, always somehow seeming to enjoy throwing great blessing on the least expected individuals, decided to give Jabez what he asked for.

It isn't even about rewarding Jabez for being more honourable. If you see what he asked, he was pleading with God for blessing. What he did boldly ask for was mercy and protection. What he expressed was his need for a Saviour. And there you have my conclusion--God answered Jabez's prayer because this was a man who acknowledged his need for Him.

Read the contextual verses (no, why not the contextual chapters?) and tell me again if this is about how one man became more honourable in God's eyes, or if it's about how a man of honour put aside his human effort and cried out to God in acknowledgment of his need.

Chuqiao sent this link to The Group and when I read it, I felt rather chastised and also rather encouraged.

Quite suddenly, I no longer feel as afraid and in dread of Dan's one-week absence from 23-28 Jan when he'll be in KL for training. Just yesterday I was lying in bed and thinking about how I'd probably find it impossible to sleep, how I'd feel unsafe travelling on my own, how on earth I'd occupy myself... but now, I feel much more able to think over Veron's advice again and I'm looking forward to finding out how delightful it will be to be alone, and alone with Jesus, for a few days.

I think it will be good. :)

She reminds me of me, and isn't that a surprise? I always thought we were too different, I was the staid one who fought her way through to what she knew she wanted, while she was the changeling, the one who just wanted to find the path of least resistance to getting the good life... and I was jealous because she was getting it and I wasn't.

Perhaps today I'm finally clear with myself that fighting for what you want won't get you want you want. But that doesn't mean we don't fight-- the real point is, who and what are you fighting for? That's the only way it will all have any meaning.

When I look back over the past 27 years and see how our paths have diverged... I'm tempted to regret many things. But regret does nothing, and also, it is a fact that I would do it all the same way again to be where I am and have learned what I've learned... I may have made wrong choices, but God knows better than anyone what it was that I've been fighting for all this time.

Were the losses worth it?

Some were, some weren't. But who am I to decide what someone else's reaction to circumstances, incidents, and unveiled facts will be? I can only decide for myself what I will do.

Strange Way To Save The World
BJ Thomas | The Way In A Manger

I’m sure he must have been surprised
At where this road had taken him
‘Cos never in a million lives
Would he have dreamed of Bethlehem
And standing at the manger
He saw with his own eyes
The message from the angel’s come to life
And Joseph said:

Why me? I’m just a simple man of trade
Why Him? With all the rulers in the world
And why here, inside this stable filled with hay
Why her? She’s just an ordinary girl
Now I’m not one to second-guess
What angels have to say
But this is such a strange way
To save the world

Think of how it could have been
If Jesus had come as He deserved
There would have been no Bethlehem
No lowly shepherds at His birth
But Joseph knew the reason
Love had to reach so far
And as he held his Saviour in his arms
He must have thought:

Why me? I’m just a simple man of trade
Why Him? With all the rulers in the world
And why He came inside this stable filled with hay
Why her? She’s just an ordinary girl
Now I’m not a one to second-guess
What angels have to say
But this is such a strange way
To save the world

Now I’m not a one to second-guess
What angels had to say
But this is such a strange way
To save the world

This is such a strange way
Such a strange way
To save the world

(And no, I don't think I'm taking this out of context.)

1 Corinthians 13:30-32a
Happiness or sadness or wealth should not keep anyone from doing God's work. Those in frequent contact with the things of the world should make good use of them without becoming attached to them, for the world and all it contains will pass away. In everything you do, I want you to be free from the concerns of this life.

This is a somewhat boliao post (actually it’s not that I don’t post sensible things anymore; it’s just that I’ve Friends-locked most of those) but I just wanted to write about it. Haha!

The last time I wrote about this was in November 2008 anyways.

Why is it so mahfan to find proper skincare and cosmetics? Is it because my skin is sensitive and I don’t have unlimited spending power? Grrr…

So anyway, after Natio was discontinued in John Little, I moved to using Lavera for a while, but it wasn’t just pricey, it was also hard to get— the only store was at the Raffles City basement. And then, horrors— in May 2010 Lavera completely disappeared from Singapore!

So I moved to using Skin Food… but strangely, those skincare products seemed to produce nearly immediate/overnight good results before slowly dwindling away in efficacy over a few months.

Thankfully, Sasa started carrying Natio earlier this year, so I’m going back to Natio and Witch (which worked out well when I tried it out for a while earlier on) for my skincare… but I’ll be sticking with Skin Food for cosmetics.

Someday soon I’ll give Fancl a try…

by Charles Bukowski

the best often die by their own hand
just to get away,
and those left behind
can never quite understand
why anybody
would ever want to
get away
from
them